Sometimes Remembering Isn't Enough
by Sunneh-Cat
Summary: [songfic][safetyrated][majorspoilers]A series of songfics about some of the major character deaths that have happened throughout the series and cats that were close to them.
1. Meet You There

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the cats in the Warriors series. If I did, most of the deaths would not have happened.

This is my first songfic as well as my first Warriors fanfic that I've put up here. I finished Twilight today and was very upset by the ending, but the song reminded me of it a lot, so I kinda just wrote this. Hope you enjoy.

**MAJOR SPOILERS FOR TWILIGHT AHEAD. IF YOU HAVEN'T READ IT ALL THE WAY THROUGH, I SUGGEST YOU STOP READING NOW.**

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Meet You There

Now you're gone/I wonder why/You left me here/I think about it on, and on/ and on, and on, and on, again/I know you're never coming back/I hope that you can hear me/I'm waiting to hear from you/

A lone cat crouched beside the Moonpool, staring into the dark, still surface. It was, as it always was, rimmed with moonlight and the countless number of twinkling stars were reflected in its water. Usually when Leafpool came here, she knew she was surrounded by her warrior ancestors, but tonight she felt completely alone.

It was just a few hours after the badger attack; a few hours after Cinderpelt's death. The rest of the clan – those who had survived the treacherous attack, that is – were resting back at camp. She should be resting too, for the attack had forced every cat to join in the fighting and she was just as tired as any of her clanmates, but there was no way she could sleep now. She was the full medicine cat of Thunderclan now…It was so hard to believe that her responsibilities had doubled in a matter of mere minutes.

But the fact that she had twice the duty and responsibility than she had as an apprentice now was the least of her worries. Cinderpelt was dead. Although the dark gray medicine cat had told her not to blame herself, Leafpool couldn't help feeling guilty. If she hadn't run off with Crowfeather, she would've been in Thunderclan camp when the badgers attacked. She would've been able to protect Cinderpelt!

Even though she had run away with Crowfeather – what a mouse-brained idea that seemed now! – she had received plenty of warnings from Starclan when she was with him. She had foreseen the attack that must've killed Cinderpelt in a dream and had paid little attention to it at all! If Midnight hadn't run into them, she wouldn't have gone back at all. To think that she wouldn't have known of the death of her mentor…

But none of that mattered now, because Cinderpelt was gone. The light brown tabby raised her head to look up at blanket of dark blue velvet where the warriors of Starclan hunted. "How could you be so cruel? I thought you were supposed to help us!" Although she had meant them to sound angry, her words came out twisted with sadness. Her eyes were clouded with pain, as they had been since she first tripped over her mentor's broken body; a moment she wished she could erase completely.

She sighed, knowing that getting angry with Starclan would do no good. In her final moments on earth, Cinderpelt had told Leafpool that Starclan had no control over fate. Leafpool lowered her head once again, feeling ashamed of what she had just done. "I'm sorry…I know that if there was anything that could've been done, you would've done it." Her voice was no more than a whisper now.

She wondered if Cinderpelt could hear her now, among thousands upon thousands of other warrior anscestors. Usually when she came to the Moonpool, Spottedleaf was with her within moments. But still, the amber-eyed she-cat was alone in the moonlit clearing. Her eyes brightened just slightly as a sudden thought crossed her mind. Spottedleaf often spoke to her through dreams, so perhaps she would get to speak to Cinderpelt that way as well! Even so, it wouldn't be the same as before. But it seemed as though waiting to see Cinderpelt in a dream would be the only thing she could hope for. _Please Starclan, _she thought to herself desperately. _Let that dream bring good news…_

Until I do/you're gone away/I'm left alone/A part of me is gone/and I'm not moving on/So wait for me/I know the day will come/

But what was Leafpool to do if the dream that she now craved did not come? There were plenty of other warriors in Starclan that could just as easily deliver messages to her. But it did seem that messages were usually delivered to one by a cat that had some connection to the cat being contacted. She just had to go on believing that Cinderpelt would be the one to give her messages and prophecies from now on, just as Cinderpelt had gone on believing that Leafpool would return to her clan.

Leafpool curled her tail around her paws, staring aimlessly into the water. Before, all she had to do was pad into the medicine cat's den – her den, now – and Cinderpelt would be there. Now, with the exception of dreams and whatnot, Cinderpelt was gone.

Letting out a hiss of frustration, Leafpool shook her head. "You know that's not true, mouse-brain." She muttered to herself. "Cinderpelt will always be with you, she told you that herself." So she might not be able to see or speak to the she-cat all the time, but Cinderpelt would always walk beside her.

Despite this knowledge, Leafpool felt as though a very large piece of her heart had been ripped out – clawed apart by the same stunt claws that had taken the life of her mentor. But as much as the young she-cat wanted to stop living altogether, to remain where she was now until it was her time to join Starclan as well, she knew that just wasn't an option. She was a medicine cat now, and after such a devastating attack, her clan would need her more than ever right now. And she would have to be strong for her clan, or chaos could easily break loose. Besides, what would Cinderpelt think if she gave up? She had already been on the verge of giving up before, and look what it had caused! But despite all the horrible things that had happened after leaving the forest with Crowfeather, it had taught her one very important thing. She _was_ a medicine cat at heart.

She took a deep breath of the clean, crisp air and, although it still didn't carry the sweet scents of Cinderpelt or Spottedleaf, she felt a bit more relaxed. She had plenty of moons left with her clan, but when she was ready to make the journey to Starclan, Cinderpelt would be there, as would the rest of her warrior ancestors. She was a bit more hopeful now, even knowing that it would be quite a while before that day came.

I'll meet you there/No matter where life takes me to/I'll meet you there/And even if I need you here/I'll meet you there/

She sighed slightly, as another cat came into her mind. Crowfeather. She still found it hard to believe that she had been willing to run away with him. And not only had she been willing to, she had gone and done it! Although, now she was sure that she knew why Starclan hadn't stopped her from doing so. She guessed it was their way of showing her that the path of a medicine cat was the right one for her. She still thought that if she hadn't left, Cinderpelt could still be alive, but there was no use dwelling on a what-if situation. She could spin a story however she wanted to in her mind, but nothing could change what had already happened.

She knew that she still loved Crowfeather, and that he felt the same about her. But there was no way she was willing to give up everything – her title, her friends, her clan – for him again. Wondering if he would understand and forgive her for putting him through all this, she felt a stab of pity run through her. She hoped he wouldn't be mad…

Her thoughts went back to Cinderpelt moments later, and she found herself wondering if the medicine cat had ever been in love. She had handled the situation between Leafpool and Crowfeather so calmly…When they were young apprentices, Squirrelflight had seemed to think that Cinderpelt had feelings for Firestar, though Leafpool wasn't sure what had sparked this assumption. Her ginger-furred kin had explained that Mousefur had told her a story about Sandstorm and Cinderpelt, and how they didn't exactly get along too well in the past. Leafpool thought this surprising, because the two hadn't seemed to hold anything against each other.

Well, if Cinderpelt had liked her father, she did a good job of hiding it. She would've had too, of course, because of the rules that came with being a medicine cat. Leafpool blinked slowly, knowing that Cinderpelt would've given up anything to be a medicine cat. Could she really have loved the cat who now led the clan? Leafpool guessed that she would never know the answer to that question.

Leafpool had absolutely no idea where her life was going to take her now. But she was certain that whatever happened, it would be on the path of a medicine cat. She had chosen that path a long time ago, and she would never stray from it again. But what if she needed Cinderpelt? What a silly thought…She would _always_ need the wise she-cat. But there was nothing she could do now but help her clan, listen to her dreams – and her heart, as Spottedleaf had told her – and never stop believing that Cinderpelt was beside her. There was no use in wanting to join Cinderpelt now, because Starclan would take her when the time was right. But she couldn't help wanting to see her sooner.

I wish I could have told you/The things I kept inside/But now I guess its just too late/So many things remind me of you/I hope that you can hear me/I miss you/This is goodbye/One last time/

Leafpool felt a sudden stab of sadness and guilt run through her, wondering if things would've changed if she had told Cinderpelt all her hidden thoughts and opinions, and even her love for Crowfeather. There were _so many_ things that she had left hidden, buried deep inside her. Secrets that she didn't confide in anyone; but why had she felt like she had to hide them from Cinderpelt?

Cinderpelt was her mentor, her friend; she was a compassionate cat who was willing to help any cat in need, despite the clan they belonged to. She would've understood the connection she shared with Squirrelflight, the feelings she had for Crowfeather…And Mothwing! She had assumed that if Cinderpelt knew that Mothwing didn't believe in Starclan, the beautiful she-cat would've been forced out of her position. But now Leafpool was certain that Cinderpelt would've understood. She probably would've been able to handle the situation better than Leafpool herself had, despite the fact that she was so close to Mothwing. She had been even closer to Cinderpelt…

Leafpool found the strength to defy her own thoughts this time, telling herself with a strong, certain voice that she was still incredibly close to Cinderpelt, as she always would be. Smiling at her own certainty, she let herself fall back into all the things she had kept from Cinderpelt. None of those things really mattered now, because she wasn't going to get a second chance to pour her heart out to the dark gray she-cat, even though she was positive that, if given the chance, she would do it in a heartbeat. Of course, if Cinderpelt were to contact her in dreams, she could tell her then. Although she guessed that Cinderpelt would be there to discuss matters of more importance when she did speak to her in dreams. Leafpool now realized that she had taken the time when Cinderpelt was always ready for a chat for granted. _I guess you really don't know what you've got until it's gone…_ she thought solemnly to herself.

But she was a medicine cat, and she had more of a connection with Starclan than any of her clanmates. She would never loose touch with Cinderpelt entirely, just as she knew that her father hadn't lost touch with Spottedleaf, who had died many, many moons ago.

Giving her head a firm shake, she told herself that she had to remember that there would never be a time when she said goodbye to Cinderpelt for the last time. When she visited her in dreams or spoke to her at the Moonpool, there would always be a next time. A faint flicker of a smile crossed her maw for a split second, and then was gone.

And where I go you'll be there with me/Forever you'll be right here with me/

With this new, small glimmer of hope, Leafpool looked up at the sky again. "Starclan, I trust that you will always be with me." She meowed quietly. Her eyes widened as a breeze picked up; first it was faint but it picked up until the scents of thousands upon thousands of cats surrounded Leafpool, filling the clearing. She could feel the soft bodies of many cats weaving around her, making their way back up to the heavens where their camp was. The cats continued on their way back to their home until only two cats remained.

"Spottedleaf, Cinderpelt!" Leafpool's voice was filled with happiness as the beautiful tortoiseshell and her dark gray mentor came into view, sitting side-by-side before her. She didn't think she had ever been so happy to see a cat in her life; including when she saw Crowfeather at gatherings. Spottedleaf laughed, padding closer until her sweet scent engulfed Leafpool. "I'm so happy to see you. Both of you. It's so wonderful to have Starclan with me again."

Spottedleaf laughed, though it was soft and sweet. Leafpool looked confused, and she turned to look up at Cinderpelt. She was surprised to find that her mentor's blue eyes were also bright with amusement. "Dear Leafpool," she meowed, her voice just as Leafpool had always remembered it to sound. "We have always been with you."

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Well, there you have it. I hope you liked it :) Depending on ratings and reviews, I'm thinking of turning this into a series consisting of songfics for the more important deaths that have happened during the book series. So please R&R! Also, if you do want it continued, feel free to let me know which cat you think I should do next. 


	2. My Immortal

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Warriors characters. If I did, most of the deaths wouldn't have happened.

I am _so_ sorry that this update took so long! I've been pretty busy with school and stuff, and I could only write a paragraph or two of this a day. It's not the best because it was kind of rushed (it was as rushed as possible, at least) and like I said, the paragraphs were all written at different times. Anyway, I hope you like it!

The song is "My Immortal" by Evanescence

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My Immortal

**I'm so tired of being here/suppressed by all my childish fears/And if you have to leave/I wish that you would just leave/cause your presence still lingers here/and it won't leave me alone**

It was night time, and as usual, the forest was alive with the usual sounds of nightlife; crickets, the scuffling of small creatures, and the rushing water. But to the dark-pelted tom sitting near the water, it seemed silent. The way he saw it, he was not only alone in reality, but in every sense of the word. Feathertail had left him. The light silvery-gray she-cat who had somehow managed to make him fall in love. Something that he thought for so long to be impossible.

He had been sitting out here, keeping great distance between himself and the rest of the cats – both from the clans and the tribe – since very shortly after Feathertail's death. Although in truth, it hadn't been more than an hour or so, it seemed to Crowpaw that he had been out here forever.

He was tired of sitting out here, everything reminding him of what he had just lost – his entire life. He didn't think that the Tribe cats or even the cats that were journeying with him knew how much Feathertail had truly meant to him. He would've done anything for her - anything! Starclan knew perfectly well that he would've done anything for her, and yet she was the one dead while he lived with the guilt. Brambleclaw and Squirrelpaw had insisted that it hadn't been his fault, but he wouldn't hear it.

He had protected Feathertail as best as he could; perhaps even a little too much sometimes. And the _one time_ that she really could've used his protection, he hadn't given it to her. He had let her die! How could Brambleclaw and Squirrelpaw not blame him? Even Stormfur, Feathertail's kin, didn't believe that he could've prevented Feathertail's death. So why did he still feel as though it was all his fault?

In a way, the light-furred warrior had protected Crowpaw as well. Without her by his side now, he felt as though all his fears were exposed to the entire forest and somehow still smothering him. From his darkest fears to his most kit-like ones, Feathertail had left him to face all of them alone.

Gazing up at the star-dotted night sky, he wondered if Feathertail was really still with him, even though she hunted with Starclan. She did hunt with Starclan, didn't she? Even though she had died saving the Tribe of Rushing Water, she would rest with her own warrior ancestors, or so he wanted to believe.

Unlike most cats, he didn't exactly feel comforted thinking about having Feathertail's spirit with him. He had _loved_ her and yet, he hadn't saved her. Having her with him, even if only spirit, was just another reminder of this. If she had to leave him, couldn't she just leave and let him try to get on with his life?

He glanced over his shoulder to where Stormfur sat, his head down and tail drooping. He guessed that, being her brother, he missed Feathertail just as much as he himself did. He should've been able to talk to Stormfur, but he didn't want to talk to anyone about the situation right now. The slight possibility that it would make him feel a bit better wasn't enough incentive.

Glancing to his left, he saw Squirrelpaw and Brambleclaw sitting close beside one another, heads bowed. He gave a silent growl of jealousy seeing them together. It wasn't fair that they still had each other when he felt as though his heart had been clawed at by the Sharptooth cat.

He wished they could start off on their journey to the Sun-drown-place again. He wanted to just take off running in the opposite direction and leave the Tribe of Rushing Water as far behind him as possible. Just being here, he could feel Feathertail and was reminded once again that he could've done something, anything, to prevent her death. But he hadn't. And the feeling of guild clung to him like a tick – and he didn't have any mousebile. 

These wounds won't seem to heal/this pain is just too real/there's just too much that time cannot erase

He glanced down at himself, surveying the injuries he had received. Nothing much…just a few scratches, really, the worst of which was a gash on his shoulder. Of course, he had more than battle scars to remind him of what had happened that night. He knew it would be one that he would remember for the rest of his life, too.

Sure, his actual injuries hurt and he guessed he would be feeling them for at least the next few days, but they would heal up with time. He felt as though the pain this caused him emotionally would never heal. No amount of moons, however great, could erase what had happened.

His emotional pain seemed so much more…_real_ than his physical wounds, although most would see it to be the exact opposite. Crowpaw sniffed indignantly, knowing that most cats would look at him and see only his visible scars and injuries and totally miss what was happening inside; something so much bigger. Not that it really mattered what the other cats would see. No amount of herbs could heal these wounds.

**  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears /When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears/And I held your hand through all of these years/But you still have/All of me **

Crowpaw hissed under his breath, rising to his paws and stalking farther away from the other mourning cats. He had tried so hard to protect Feathertail from everything, and when the real danger came, he hadn't done anything.

But…had he protected Feathertail _too much?_

Whenever she got worried or something made her sad, like the disappearance of Graystripe or worries she had about the clans back in the forest, he would find a way to cheer her up.

If they got into a battle with a rogue or something, he always tried to leap in front of her and fight the enemy for her, even though she had been a warrior while he was merely an apprentice.

He guessed she hadn't liked it that he had been so overprotective of her, especially seeing as she was much more experienced, not to mention a warrior. She certainly was able to take care of herself, and he was well aware of it. He had done his best to try and protect her from the forest; but in the end, none of it mattered.

He sighed slightly, shaking his head to try and clear his thoughts. However, just as he had expected, thousands of memories – each involving Feathertail – remained in his mind. Why was it that, although he had done so much and tried so hard to protect the beautiful she-cat, he felt as if his entire heart had been ripped out now that she was gone? Why did he have to feel so guilty about her death? He felt as though Feathertail had taken not just a piece of him, but all of him with her when she made the journey to Starclan. 

You used to captivate me by your resonating light/Now I'm bound by the life you left behind. /Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams /Your voice has chased away all the sanity in me.

He sat down, gazing up at the velvety, dark blue sky endlessly dotted with stars; warrior ancestors. Although, was Starclan really with them here, when the Tribe of Endless Hunting was also said to occupy these skies? Could the two clans that resided in the sky share their territories, even if only for a short period of time? And if they couldn't - or even if they could, which one did Feathertail reside in now?

He sighed, dropping his gaze to the ground. He remembered how _beautiful_ Feathertail had been when she had been with him on Earth. The way the sun reflected off of her silvery pelt on the days when she groomed it until it shone, silky and smooth.

On those days, he had hardly been able to take his eyes off of her. He had memorized the way she walked, was familiar with the sound of her pawsteps, her scent, every aspect of Feathertail. He was so strongly attracted to her, more so than he had ever been to another cat. What truly amazed him, though, was that she had returned his feelings.

Now that she was gone, he felt as though he had a duty to carry on with her wishes as she would've wanted them. But did that require carrying on her memory, filling her pawsteps, or living her life for her?

He closed his eyes, wishing he could just fall asleep for a few hours and escape this reality. Immediately, though, he knew he wouldn't be able to get any sleep. The very second he closed his eyes, if even for a split second, Feathertail was everywhere.

The strangest thing was, he truly did _want_ to see her again. But knowing that speaking to her through dreams would be the only way just didn't seem fair. Seeing her in a dream just reiterated the fact that she was a Starclan cat now and nothing more. Dreams would be the only way that he could communicate with her anymore, and that was probably the saddest knowledge that could've been bestowed upon him.

He sank his claws in and out of the marshy earth, gritting his pearl-white teeth together. He wished this feeling would leave him alone! He desperately wanted to have some kind of connection with Feathertail, but every meaning of communication brought painful memories of her death. He shook his head, trying to clear it for the thousandth time that night; all of this was going to drive him insane!

I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone/But though you're still with me/I've been alone all along

"She's gone, you stupid fur-ball." He muttered to himself. "She hunts with Starclan now." Although it seemed like he was really trying to convince himself that his words were true.

He sighed slightly, glancing over his shoulder at where the other cats sitting vigil were; Stormfur, in particular. The cat that looked so very similar to Feathertail was gazing up at the sky with fascination, a faint smile on his maw. It was obvious that Feathertail's kin still felt a strong connection to her, despite her death. And it was quite obvious that he was happy about this.

So why wasn't he himself happy about the fact that the cat he loved hadn't been fully taken out of his life? Since there was nothing he could do to bring her back, he should just accept the ability to speak to her through dreams and such. Why was it that he so desperatley wanted her out of his life now that she hunted with Starclan?

This thought brought on a very strong emotion that he was already feeling too much of; guilt. How could he be so selfish as to try and push her out of his life just because she was a Starclan cat? He should willingly accept the fact that he was still able to communicate with her and know that she would always walk with him.

She was still with him, as she always would be, and nothing could ever change that.

Even the knowledge that the kind, gentle she-cat would walk with him always, and in a way, be a part of him, couldn't change the fact that he would never be able to feel her pelt brush against his again. Never be able to share tongues with her again, or sleep curled up beside her.

Although she would always be with him in spirit, which he had come to decide was a good thing after all, her physical body, which had been scarred horribly in the battle with the Sharptooth cat, was dead. In going to Starclan, her spirit had been freed, able to go on forever. But no amount of wishing could heal the wounds adorning her body that would be buried at sunrise.

When it came to this aspect, he was alone.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears /When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears/And I held your hand through all of these years/But you still have All of me

In a way, Feathertail had protected him as well. She had helped him up when he had fallen; fought fiercely at his side when he needed help; guided him when he needed it the most.

They had helped _each other_ every day on their journey.

"Crowpaw…"

He jumped, surprised at the interruption of his thoughts. He glanced over his shoulder, but saw the rest of the forest cats sitting still, just as they had been earlier.

"Crowpaw, it's me."

The soft voice drifted to his ears again, and a smile spread slowly across his maw. "Feathertail!" he exclaimed, on his paws again, looking around. He breathed in her sweet scent, and although he wasn't able to see her, he was well aware that she was there.

"Just remember, Crowpaw. You won't always be able to see me, but I will always be with you. I know you're sad about my death, but please don't mourn for me." She pleaded. "You can't be sad for me. You know that this was my destiny; no cat could've prevented what happened tonight. Do not feel guilty, Crowpaw."

He nodded slightly. "I know Feathertail, and I'll do my best."

"You must promise me something, Crowpaw."

"Yes, what is it, Feathertail? Anything you want." He replied, nodding slightly along with his words.

"You mustn't live your life feeling as though you could've prevented this. Follow your heart, Crowpaw. And just remember…Even when you can't see me, or hear me, I will always be right beside you. Always…" her voice faded away until it blended and became part of the night, leaving Crowpaw alone.

_No_ he thought to himself, feeling his words strengthened by Feathertail. _I'm not alone. _

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Well, there you have it! I hope you liked it

I'm looking forward to continuing this series, so I'd appreciate suggestions on songs and characters for the next one.


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